"The best way to execute French cooking is to get good and loaded and whack the hell out of a chicken." -- Julia Child

There have been many true words about cooking and, specifically, French cooking. But few are more true than this one. The photo is from a local food/wine event we'll be attending in a coupla weeks. 

Food has been my business for over 15 years. Even in retirement I cook almost daily and doing it Out Here in various kitchens with varying power sources and appliances has been a mostly enjoyable thing. It all comes down to making decent food and dealing with what's available. But even when I'm not actually firing a pan, the education continues. I have been actually paid to cook in all environments, from self-employment to small restaurants to very upscale to supermarket hotlines to major chains to a ritzy country club and even two years in an assisted-living facility. Experience in food trucks and from a BBQ trailer kinda rounds it out.

Even with all this, I am only a beginner. I can hold my own in a few things (some French among them) but I look at so many others with so much greater experience and skill that I am awestruck and a bit fangirl. But being Out Here and buying daily groceries and cooking every day has been An Experience leaving me with opinions. All are certainly arguable but my experience is just that.

To wit....

In Vienna, we noticed a review of Restaurant Amador -- a Michelin three-star experience in Beethoven's old neighborhood north of the main city and adjacent to a winery. Looking at prices, I expressed the opinion that no meal was worth that amount of money. But, on the other hand, opportunity to dine at a three-star (the highest possible) might never come again. So we made reservations for the tasting menu.

People, I tell ya. We arrived at like 5:30pm and were shown the very nice kitchen and prep area. The dining room (look it up) is a cave-like, white-linen experience and before long we were offered the wine-pairing option (this isn't included for this price?) so we bit on that too. Sigh.

We lost count of the two-bite courses, each of which came with a small offering of wine. The time between courses became interminable -- sometimes sitting and staring at other tables up to 20 minutes until the next round arrived. We had precision-cut seafoods, molecular foams, dainty vegetables and tiny chips of fruit  over and over and over FOR OVER FOUR HOURS until we're overly full and yet growing almost delirious from sheer boredom. The main entertainment was some guy at another table who kept leaving his business partners to take urgent phone calls outside. Dude....

...so after yet another break in service, we decided we'd had enough and asked to just get our check and go. Dessert was supposed to be like another three courses (i.e. at least another hour) and no. The server looked at us like we'd slapped royalty but ultimately brought one dessert and then the check.

....for $1300.

Needless to say, this put a dent in our budgeting. But lesson learned. We've eaten much better at Saltgrass in Ft. Worth for about $1200 and three hours less. But at least we can say we had the Michelin three-star experience.

This won't be my only post about our food experiences, which have been many both at home and going out when we can. What we've found is many spots are similar to New Orleans in that there are many restaurants but only one basic menu. In Vienna, it's schnitzel, strudel and the Sacher chocolate torte. England has boiled meat and that atrocious Yorkshire pudding. Or fish and chips. Martinique has gorgeous seafood but otherwise needs help. France remains an open case. After a month in Paris, we've yet to get out in the country to broaden things a bit. There's a trip planned to Reims (capital of the Champagne region) and maybe the Loire Valley. Opinions are reserved for now, though overall France has easily been the most delightful in a culinary sense.

General observations, again arguable based on one's personal experience...

No one in the EU/UK does beef well. They know how to cook it, but the quality is not up to par -- the one exception being Smith & Wollensky in London. Otherwise, I can buy better filet mignon at Kroger.  Unsure why this is because....

Every other raw food kicks the US ass. The lack of preservatives and care in production makes roasted chicken fall into eight easy pieces and the produce is remarkable. It's a chef's dream world.

McDonald's and Burger King are the same here as in the US. Except slower service. "Fast food" isn't. No ice in the drinks (except Five Guys). You take your tray of trash to a place and just slide the tray and trash into a slot and someone else gets rid of it. Or you have to separate it out into trash, recyclables and compost. One place in Martinique had a place to dump your leftover soft drink -- a nice idea to prevent so much liquid in trash bags. Sometimes we'd hit these places because they were closer. Don't judge.

Speaking of which, no one does burgers well here. It's an easy fallback if you want something familiar but you will always be disappointed by the flavorless meat and disintegrating bun. Also -- dill pickles aren't available. Gotta make your own.

Russet potatoes don't exist here so no baked potatoes. The Brits have "jacket potatoes" but they're different. The French have mastered all kinds of potatoes and they rule, no matter what they say in Ireland. French fries or frites are everywhere, not just in France. Too much so, I think.

A "kebab" or "kebap" is a sandwich, not something on a stick.

The idea that US restaurant portions are so "huge" is a lie. They can be, but the Euros can load it up big-time too. Schnitzel can be as large as a Caribbean island and salads might be the size of hot tubs.

Salad dressings are whatever they apply in the kitchen. It's always a nicely done vinaigarette except on a Caesar salad. Ranch? Pfft. Shut up.

Don't trust even the most mundane-looking foods. Pizzas can contain things like salmon or tuna not always obvious in the name. I got a club sandwich with a layer of hard-boiled egg.

What the US knows as bacon is hard to find here and not very good when you do. "Bacon" (like on that club sandwich) is cured but not cooked. More like prosciutto except thicker.

French butter is the best. Period. With sea salt.

Like I say -- these are general observations from personal experience. Expanding the palate is always a good thing, as surprising as it might be on occasion. Denise has acquired a real taste for fois gras, for instance. Chances are we'll never be satisfied with any croissants or baguettes we'll obtain outside of France. I will be attending a class later this month in Paris on how to make the croissants. We'll see.

Ending this entry with a quote from my kitchen hero Jacques Pepin....

"My palate is simpler than it used to be. A young chef adds and adds and adds to the plate. As you get older, you start to take away."

More truth.